7 Things You Can Do to Prepare for The Aporkalypse

You may have heard that 2013 is going to be a tough year for pork lovers. Drought, subsidies and high feed costs have combined into a perfect swine storm, resulting in a never-before-seen drop in the bacon supply. Here are some tips to get you through this tumultuous time. 

1. Buy duct tape. We’re not sure why, but we do know it’s good to have on hand in an emergency.
2. Get up to speed on the best bacon recipes . A diversified action plan will give you an edge.
3. Run family “bacon drills” every Sunday morning. Make the kids run around the house five times just as the bacon comes off the skillet. If they don’t get back in time you eat it all, too bad for them. This builds character.
   
4. Sneak into your neighbor’s house every week after they go grocery shopping. Remove bacon from fridge. This subtle move will wean them off the stuff, leaving more for you.
5. If you see bacon, say something.
6. Start telling people you are going vegetarian. Act very cool while doing this, so it catches on with others. Again, this will free up more bacon for you. When your friends are surprised that you want to go to a steakhouse for dinner, just act confused.
7. Ignore all of these tips and buy Applegate bacon. Not only are we diversified, but we’ve been stockpiling the stuff in secret underground bunkers across the country for years, so we won’t run out.*
   
   *Ok, the bunker part’s not true. But when you raise hogs the right way – no antibiotics, using humane treatment and high quality feed – you’re more protected from the fickle flux of the industrial agriculture system. What’s not a joke is that we won’t run out: we’ve got your back on bacon.